PandemicPainting&Purging

It's Thursday (I think) and I am struggling with darkness once again. I know I am very blessed, but my heart is heavy.

The pandemic continues and social upheaval reigns at the moment. I was heartsick at watching another unarmed person of color being killed by police over a possible minor infraction. I am emotionally exhausted from the willful blindness I see around me; the blindness I have unwittingly sought myself at times. Even though I don't consider myself a racist, I have never been a racial minority in my community. I have however, experienced sexual harrassment and discrimination. I understand it's not the same thing, but I feel like the two are related and can help me to understand some of the rage and frustration currently being expressed in the streets.

I have been listening to more black voices the last few days than usual and Kareem Abdul Jabbar made a very good analogy about racism. He said it's like dust. It's in the air all around us, we just don't see it until a light is shining on it. You can then see the dust motes floating in the beam of light.  I have many friends, former co-workers, and acquaintances who hold different viewpoints from me. I have sort-of been giving them a free pass on sexual and racial discrimination- no more. I don't always let sexual discrimination slide, perhaps because I have been directly affected by it. Beginning now I will be calling out racial discrimination too. 

Just  today I was sent a "joke" by a former fire captain I worked with. It basically laments people labeling him as homophobic, racist, etc for upholding his moral values. I call BS! Usually I just delete and move on. This time I will share my feelings with the sender. I believe we can uphold our personal moral values without sitting in judgment of others. If you claim to follow Christ, he loved, cared for, and died for everyone's sins. The final judgment does not sit on any mortal person's shoulders.

I am a member of a fairly conservative church. I have been appalled at some of the hateful images and comments shared by some of my fellow members. I need to remind myself that my church membership is about my relationship with my Heavenly Father and is not defined by other members actions or words. Many of these people don't even understand why what they are posting is so abhorrent.  I understand people are a product of their times but, the past is gone and it is time to do better and be better. Our prophet has spoken out strongly against the sin of racism; even if our church history may not be great on the subject. 

Off my soapbox and on to other stuff. . .

BC has been fortunate to keep the COVID numbers fairly low and we're loosening some of the restrictions now. Schools are in and businesses are opening up. All of this is with heavily modified schedules, procedures, and routines. I think masks may become more common in public spaces. Vancouver Island has really been fortunate with no large outbreaks. 

Kaili has returned to her home in Courtenay. Ellie is now living in Nanaimo and working on Gabe.

I have been trying to help myself out of my dark moods by painting our fence, gardening or sewing. Each fence section has a different theme, poem, quote or etc. This is what I have so far.

Eye spy in progress

Tree-woman/Lord Byron poem

Hetch Hetchy Valley/John Muir Quote

Girls at the beach

How Everything Happens
By May Swenson

 

Our veggie garden is already providing greens, peas, and strawberries. I finally got smart and moved the strawberry plants out of harm's way (Madrone likes to eat blossoms).

May 21

Today

Our weather has been showers and occasional sun breaks- good for the fire danger, water table, and the mosquitoes, but not my moods.

To borrow Dr. Bonnie Henry's mantra- "Be kind, be calm, and stay safe"

Mother's Day in the time of COVID

My Grandma Jessie, Great Grandma Sheffer, great great grandmother, great great great grandmother, and baby Uncle Gary.

I'm so grateful for the many mothers who have influenced my life. My brother and I spent most of our childhood summers at our grandparents houses.

Grandma Jessie would take us to the boardwalk, amusement parks, and camping in the mountains with our cousins. She paid us a bounty on captured snails and tomato worms so we could go buy candy at the 7-11. She taught me about having fun, crochet, hairdressers, and a love of reading.

Grandma Kay would teach me about nature, gardening, canning, and cooking. She was a fantastic artist and taught me to trust my creative instincts.

I think it may have been Great Grandma Lund who told me about the "proper" way to hang clothing- by the side seams at the waist. Underwear in the center shielded from the neighbors by outerwear, towels, and sheets. Also, it was poor form to hang the underwear of opposite-sex unmarried singles next to each other on the line.

Great Grandma Sheffer was very active with the Grange and the County Fair board. She exemplified public service.

My mom reinforced many of the lessons from the strong, intelligent, and creative women from whom we descended.  She has added a few of her own traits along the way. Compassion would be one of her greatest gifts to me. She's supported me in my most stressed times. She has also shared some of my favorite adventures- camping, working, laughing, traveling, and loving me. I miss being able to hang out with her, but I am so grateful for the technology that allows us to laugh and to fret about politics and world affairs together. The worse thing about this pandemic for me is the forced separation from our family.

My daughter-in-law is a great mother putting her children's best interests at the forefront.

My mother-in-law has taught me acceptance. She wasn't sure what to expect from her imported DIL. We laugh at how she pictured me vs who I actually am. She has given me family recipes and treats me with love and respect.

My daughters are both strong, loving, intelligent, kind, and creative. I hope one day they get to experience motherhood themselves, no matter the form- biological or emotional.

I only hope and pray that I can be an influence for good on the people I interact with, much as the mothers in my life have been for me.

What day is this?

Like many others, keeping the days straight has become more of a challenge than normal. If I didn't get a notification by email, the trash may never meet up with the truck.

On the literal bright side, the sun has been out and we're accomplishing a bunch of projects around the house and yard. I have sewn many COVID masks for friends and family, continued dabbling in pottery, and started veggie seeds.

I feel like the shower is pretty complete.

The fountain has been cleaned, redone, and is happily gurgling away.

The big fencing project is basically finished. Now to clean off the shed roof, do some mowing, and get a good veggie garden going.

Madrone has found a prized dead crab on the beach this afternoon and is playing keep-away.

Even with the world feeling a lot like a Twilight Zone episode right now, I'm so grateful we have put last year behind us. At this time last year Ron was still pretty sick with his esophageal cancer ordeal.